Nothing to see here, folks


Yesterday was my first day back at the office. I’ve been working since day 5, but have been doing so from the comfort of my sofa while I was on crutches. It’s been nice, but I need the routine of getting dressed and groomed, plus it’s nice to actually show one’s face In a meeting from time to time. Also, we’re getting renovated and I needed to start cleaning and packing my cube.

Oh, how pitiful it is to limp to the elevator when I usually take the stairs two at a time. I elected not to bring the crutch to the office, but had it in my car in case of emergency. At lunch, Whole Foods was jammed, and I had to park so far away I knew there was no way I could navigate both the parking lot and the enormous store without a little help. So I limped/crutched in, grabbed a few staples (peanut butter and kids toothpaste, in case you were wondering), got my lunch, and met my lunch date. As I’m limping/crutching to the checkout, of course I run into someone I know, who then proceeds to make The Sad Face at me, to which I replied “Shut up shut up shut up.” Oh, The Sad Face is too much sad.

However, my other coworker giving me shit about my gimpy limp taking too damn long to get me down the hallway made me laugh. Is it weird that I’d rather be ridiculed than pitied? At least with the ridicule, I can give it right back. I’m stuck holding the bag where pity is concerned. And also, I am trying to shove down the self pity for long enough to get un-limpy.

It was sobering not to be striding and sprinting the day I came off crutches. It was a huge blow to my ego, to the little fantasy recovery I had going on in my head, that I was (and am) weak and wobbly. Two weeks to the day after surgery, I am doing much better than I have any right to, and yet the reality of the whole thing is a big bummer. I want to walk my son to the bus stop in the morning, and stroll with my daughter on nice afternoons. Delegating housework and child care to loving helpers is a luxury, but one I’d rather not have to take advantage of.

Still, this is only temporary. Having a firsthand glimpse at living with a disability has been a huge eye opener, and an experience that I hope I don’t have to live for much longer.


One Response to “Nothing to see here, folks”

  1. Think about how much more appreciative you’re going to be once you’ve fully recovered. 🙂

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